


Lullaby

by average_writer



Series: Offer Me a Soul [4]
Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Cute Kids, Domestic Bliss, Domestic Fluff, F/M, Flashbacks, Fluff, Pregnancy, Presents, Spencer Reid Fluff, Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-28
Updated: 2020-10-28
Packaged: 2021-03-08 17:54:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,093
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27240772
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/average_writer/pseuds/average_writer
Summary: When reader realizes something isn't normal her head starts filling with doubts. Thankfully everything works out in the end...This is an Offer me a soul part, but you don't have to have read anything to get it. Spoilers! this is when reader finds out she is pregnant with Abby.
Relationships: Spencer Reid/Original Female Character(s), Spencer Reid/Reader
Series: Offer Me a Soul [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1951306
Comments: 2
Kudos: 39





	Lullaby

It was the first official day of summer vacation, and I woke up… directly to the toilet to eject the contents of my stomach. I wasn’t one to throw up, working with kids made me almost immune to be bothered by it, and I rarely had stomach issues of that kind. The thing is, even in the extremely rare occasions that I got sick, I normally could hold some food afterwards. This morning that was not happening. As soon as I opened my fridge and the smell of different foods hit me I ran to the sink, holding my hair back but not expelling anything this time, there was nothing to expel. On an empty stomach I continued my morning tasks. I noticed how as the morning progressed I felt slightly dizzy at times. 

I considered calling my doctor and paying him a visit, this wasn’t something I would normally be feeling and I was worried. Deep down inside of me something was gnawing at me, like the knowledge of something I didn’t even know yet. 

By noon I started to worry even more, my disgust to anything in my lips morphed into an extreme craving of sour patches, the watermelon ones specifically. That is how I found myself in the nearest pharmacy, holding several packets of sour gummies. Just like that I remembered how Spencer needed a new razor to keep at my place. We had been dating for four months, four fantastic months. I loved him, I really did, and I knew it seemed rushed to say it but when I was with him I knew I was the best version of myself I would ever get to be. He had been the first one to say the words though, and it had relieved me to know that if I was crazy for feeling this way about him at least I wasn’t the only crazy one in the relationship. With the basket in hand I snaked around a couple of isles, until I found myself at the one isle that made my stomach turn again. I hadn’t walked in there consciously, or maybe I did. Deep down a small part of me knew, and wanted me to realize. I took a step closer, looking at the pregnancy tests.

I took one, a small rectangle box that seemed to be the cheapest one.

“Can I help you with anything?”, a very young, friendly employee asked.

“Oh no… I just… I’m fine”, I said.

My thumb rubbed over the pink box, before putting it right back in its place.

She gave me a polite smile which I didn’t want to read right now, before walking away.

I turn to see the box that had previously been on my hand. Right there on the shelf it didn’t seem like a big deal, it didn’t burn my hand. It didn’t seem like something that could change the life of someone forever. It seemed like any other product. Including the condoms that were hanging right next to them. I chuckled internally at the irony of it all. Spotting the size that by now I knew Spencer used. I took the biggest box I could, bending over to the very bottom to get it. Making the blood rush to my face and making me be dizzy for a split second. I stood upright quickly, walking out with a speedy pace. I made it right to the end of the isle.

Ignoring it won’t help, a little voice in my head said.

Still, I entered the next isle, anything to get my mind away from the reality of the moment. 

Diapers and baby needs, how fitting! Through the anxiety I actually stood there. I stared at one box, the baby on the box suddenly looked so tiny… so tiny and fragile and cute. A teeny tiny human… A tiny human that needed protection...

Just like that I ran back to where all those boxes were, dropping six right into the basket, I made sure that they looked a little more complex than just the stick ones, still I took the one that was on my hand before. 

The whole way to the cash register seemed like a big joke on me. The lady in front of me with a baby in her arms, and the lady behind me with a big pregnant belly. I shifted on my heels. It was crazy, it was crazy right?

I mean Spencer and I had forgotten the condoms more times than what we had used them. I knew the reasons but it still seemed almost impossible.

I could see the cheeky smile that was playing on the corners of the cashier’s lips once the last items were scanned. Two of the biggest cans of teas, seven pregnancy tests and a box of fifty condoms. Yeah it seemed comical. Once he finished I swiped my card and left without even getting the receipt. I needed to get home as soon as possible, and it took everything in me to not go into the public bathroom and end all my doubts once and for all. 

Opening the can of tea I drank it quickly as I made my way back to my apartment. Every single outcome playing in my head all at once. The good, the bad and the unbearables. The whole trip seemed like a blur, the bag in my hand heavier than it needed to be. When I finally made it home with a stomach full of tea it wasn’t hard for me to go to the bathroom. Filling the small sterilized cup that I had also gotten, and doing all of the tests.

Five minutes, that was the quickest one, five minutes. I slid down the door with all of the tests placed on the counter.

I couldn’t be pregnant.. Well couldn’t be wasn’t exactly the right word I got the birds and the bees talk in middle school I knew that it was possible.

It was just, so scary. Not in the horrifying bad sense, but in the petrifying sense. Like I knew that whatever the outcome was it had happened already, and it was too late to change it. One of those outcomes affected only me, the other affected a whole new person, who may or may not be growing inside of me right now as I taped my fingers in my thigh. Petrifying in that sense when you realize that life has its ways, and sometimes there is nothing you can do to change it.

I had always wanted kids. I had always pictured a future with kids, in this future it didn’t even matter to me if I had someone with me raising said kids. I just knew I wanted to be a mom. I had lost my mom when I was a kid myself, and with a dad who hated me just as much as I hated him it was like I wanted to give a little human all the love that I didn’t have. It wasn’t fair of course, to think of a kid as a way to fulfill my own selfish desires of reflecting myself on them. 

Then Spencer entered my life. Spencer was perfect, in every sense. Not only physically, he was quite literally a genius, and just about the most amazing person I met. He was kind and funny and there wasn’t anything in him that made me doubt him. Spencer wanted kids too, I knew that. He had told me himself. He wanted a house full of kids that he could spoil. He too had a lot to reflect, but I knew that wasn’t the only reason he wanted kids.

Even with his doubts. He at times was too conscious about his situation, more specifically his mom's situation. That didn’t stop him from wanting to be a dad someday, and it didn’t stop me from fantasizing about a life in which he was the dad of my kids.

Someday… someday may have been sooner than any of us expected, actually some day may be in a couple of months from now.

Yeah it seemed rushed, it seemed like a perfect excuse. He at thirty and me at twenty five had made it to that point of the cycle of life.

All of this combined with the fact that birth control was a rare occurrence in our encounters was a dangerous combination. 

A combination that made what I saw on the little screen when I knelt seemed like inevitable. 

Two blue lines. 

I knew what it meant, still I fished for the box. Two blue lines was positive. I looked at the rest of them, with two needing two extra minutes, but the others already done. They were enough to give me my answer. 

Positive, all of them. 

The confidence that I had felt in my life about having kids faded just as quickly as I slid back on the bathroom floor.

I was pregnant, I was pregnant with a baby. I got pregnant by my boyfriend of four months. There would be a baby in less than a year, my baby our baby. 

Would Spencer hate me? Would he think I did this with other intentions? Would he blame me for not being careful? It didn’t matter that he was too equally responsible, he still could hate me, leave me.

I could end up raising a kid by myself, and although that had never bothered me the idea of losing Spencer did. I had never felt this way about anyone and I was sure I might never feel it again.

If he left...

That thought was scary. The thought of a little human who looked like him growing up in his absence. 

So many things could go wrong, what if everything went wrong? What if I wasn’t a good mom, what if something happened to any of us? Suddenly my life didn’t seem to be just me anymore, and that was a very heavy thing to feel.

Still shaking I hid all of the tests in an almost empty box of tampons. 

A good joke about saving on menstrual products crossed my mind, but dematerialized as soon as I saw myself in the mirror. 

I was pregnant, my hand traveled to my lower stomach.

Should I call Spencer and tell him? He deserves to know. Even worse he is a profile, he will know as soon as he sees me. 

I took a deep breath before deciding to do something crazy. I prepared a go bag and got in my car before I could think anything through. He would be very suspicious if I went to his work just because, so I stopped at a sushi place and got him some lunch. Lunch! The perfect excuse.

Here, have some lunch also I am pregnant.

Great idea.

The drive to Quantico was a very long one, a long and silent drive as I felt so tiny compared to the world around me. The world was so big and scary and I hadn’t felt it this way for a long time. I remember this feeling, like a song you want to forget but is engraved in your brain. The feeling that the world is way too big, and way too complicated.The feeling that maybe I felt this way because I wasn’t enough for it.

Spencer was the best man I had ever met, he deserved better than me, what if by telling him this I stop his probabilities of finding someone better? Of having a future by himself with someone he did deserve.

He never had given me reason to feel inferior, but he was a genius, and I was a kindergarten teacher. He was so independent and accomplished, and I was a trust fund kid who couldn’t pretend everything had been handed to me.

My stomach knotted on my throat as I took the visitors parking. I had thought about coming here so little that I forgot this was one of the most serious places in the country. It didn’t dawn on me until I found myself trying to convince one of the desk people to let me up.

“You said the BAU? Dr. Spencer Reid?”, The man said, typing something on his computer.

“Yeah…”

“Sorry the visitors list doesn’t have your name on it, I’ll have to call him” His expression was as serious as the situation. A random lady coming in and asking to see a Supervisory Special Agent. I should have known I couldn’t just take the elevator and see him.

God he was so close… Working, he is working, what am I even doing here?

“Wait I just….”

“(y/n)?”

Oh thank Goodness. I turned around to see the man who had just entered the lobby.

“Rossi”, I smiled, he had a couple of boxes of pizza in his hand.

“How are you?”, He asked, putting the pizza on the desk and pulling me in for a hug.

I loved Rossi, there was just this very paternal thing to him. I hugged him for a little longer than he had expected.

“I’m good, how are you?”, I replied, pulling away.

“I’m doing great, are you here to see Reid?”, He asked.

I nodded my head.

“Good, we are having lots of visitors today!, did he not know you were coming?”, he asked.

“No… I guess I didn’t think about that, I wanted to surprise him with lunch”, I said, dangling the bag in my hand.

“Well, let me put you down as one of my visitors then”, he said, moving towards the desk and handing his credentials.

I handed my own ID when the guard asked me to. Him returning it along with a visitors batch. We both thanked him as Rossi guided me to the elevator.

“So, when you said you guys were having visitors….?”

“Henry is here”, he explained.

I nodded my head with a smile. I had been Henry’s teacher the whole year, that is how I met Spencer. I loved the kid.

Once we made it to the sixth floor Rossi guided me to the room where everyone must be. I had only been here once before, but now the bullpen was empty.

When we made it to a room with the doors opened I could see JJ and Emily talking sitting next to each other, Spencer had Henry in his lap as the kid colored something on the table.

My stomach dropped at the sight. It looked… right, and extremely cute, and I wanted to cry just by witnessing it.

“(y/n)?”, he asked, furrowing his eyebrows a little before standing up, putting Henry in the seat. 

“Hi”, I said, my voice lower than intended.

“What are you doing here?”, he asked, smiling now as he pulled me in a tight hug.

“Oh… I… Brought you lunch”, I explained, returning the hug.

“Thank you”, he said with a sincere smile.

“Miss (y/l/n)”, Henry exclaimed happily, standing from his place and coming to hug me.

I crouched to hug him back.

“Hi darling, how are you?”, I asked.

“Mommy and I work today”, he explained.

“Oh that is great!”, I smiled, standing straight again as I turned to face the women.

“Hi”, I waved awkwardly.

“Hey! How are you?”, JJ asked.

“Good, you guys?”

“We are doing great! Talking about the trip!”, Emily said with a bright smile.

Spencer's arm came around my waist to pull me closer.

The trip, this Friday we were supposed to go on a trip to Las Vegas. It had been Spencer’s idea to visit his mom, she wanted to meet me and I did too. Then he had mentioned it at work and since no one had plans for their vacations they decided to tag along to Vegas. It was supposed to be a great week in sin city, but now it seemed like a place not suitable for a pregnant woman… me.

I swallowed but still smiled at her.

“Are you ready?”she asked, wiggling her eyebrows. “We are going to all of the casinos, and drink till we p-a-s-s o-u-t.”, Emily spelled out quickly, making everyone chuckle.

Yeah might not be the greatest of destinations.

“Not all of the casinos, I’m banned from like half of them”, Spencer said,

I chuckled looking up at him. “If you ask nicely I can stay behind with you”, I said. 

Partly as a joke, partly the perfect excuse to not be in the middle of the action.

He looked down at me with such adoration that it made me shudder a little.

I felt like I had failed him somehow.

“I’m hungry!”, Henry said, breaking the silence.

JJ chuckled as Rossi put the boxes on the table. I looked at Spencer, who offered me another bright smile as I handed him the bag.

“Thank you”, he said again, kissing my cheek before pulling a chair for me.

Emily was making conversation with everyone right now, but my brain was completely absent. Thinking about my plan.

Should I tell him now? Before I meet his mom? Should I wait until the end of the trip? I could just blurt it out right here and let things just go from there… I’m sure they can’t arrest me or kick me out. Well they could kick me out but they probably wouldn’t, Would any of the people here try to protect him? 

Protect him from me, uff, it sounded so funny.

“You want some?”, Spencer offered, opening the takeout box.

I stared at it for a second, I loved sushi, but knew I was not supposed to have any in my condition. I shook my head.

“No thank you”, I said. 

He furrowed his eyebrows but shrugged it off as he kept eating. Maybe he’ll find out on his own. Yeah he will find out, eventually. He is a genius after all.

When the lunch was over I couldn’t help but stare at the way Spencer and Henry cleaned the place up. Spencer helped the little boy discard the trash.

Henry yawned loudly as soon as they were finished.

“Oh, watch him get fussy now that he is tired”, JJ joked.

“He is such a good kid”, I said, my voice softer than what it needed to be.

“Thank you”, she offered me a friendly smile.

I saw how Spencer picked Henry up, the kid snuggling on his chest.

“Do you have his blanket?”, He asked.

“Oh it’s okay, he can sleep in my office…”

“It’s fine, I can use some help with the paperwork”, he smiled.

Henry had his head flushed against his chest, clearly ready to sleep in the arms of his godfather,

“Alright”, she sighed before walking to what I assumed was her office.

“So… I’m leaving now…”, I said, dragging the words.

“Oh, are you coming over at my place?”, he asked with a smile, his body rocking the kid a little.

“Yeah, definitely”, I smiled, looking down at the kid.

“You like how it looks?”, he asked.

His tone was jokingly, but it halted all my motions.

“Uh?”, I dumbly asked.

He shook his head with a smile. Before leaning to place a kiss on my forehead.

“For what is worth you too look extra cute with a kid in your arms”, he said in a low voice.

I might just pass out now.

Without saying a lot more I walked out. Hoping not to find Penelope on my way out. The rest of the team had gone out to eat, and something told me that the tech genius would catch my secret as soon as she saw me.

I looked at myself in the mirror of his bathroom, pulling the shirt that I was wearing over my hips. I looked normal, I looked maybe a little wider than usual but it was such a small difference I wasn’t even sure if I was imagining it. He had already seen me naked today, and he didn’t notice. Maybe he wasn’t as smart as he said he was, then again he was a man. A man who was going to be the father of this little kid, God it had to be so tiny right now.

I smiled at the thought, my hand coming to rest on the place where soon it would be evident a life was taking form. 

A life that would probably look like him. I smiled at the thought.

I walked out of the bathroom, meeting his eyes.

“Everything okay?”, he asked, opening the covers for me to climb under them.

“Yeah”, I nodded in confidence as I did. Smiling as I snuggled closer to him, almost laying on top of him.

“Are you sure?”, he said, pulling me close.

“I am”, I said, with my head now rested on his chest. I breathed in the smell of his laundry mixed with his own smell as I placed a kiss on his chest.

“You know I love you?”, he said as my mind was slipping away.

“Love you too Spencer”, I mumbled against his chest.

He kissed the top of my head before unpausing the episode of Doctor Who he had been watching. I fell asleep quickly to his rhythmic breathing. 

Eventually he’ll find out…

I picked up an array of objects as I made my way downstairs, dumping everything in its rightful place now that I was on the lower level. I walked to our room, but before I knocked I noticed the silence coming from the other side.

Silence could only mean one thing… I pressed my ear against the door, wrapping myself on the kimono I was using.

“The little lamb is on the green With snowy fleece so soft and clean  
Sleep, baby, sleep”, Spencer sang softly.

I managed to catch the last words of the lullaby before opening the door with extreme care.

He was laying down in the middle of the bed Sophie slept in his arms while Stephen, her twin brother, slept on one of his sides. Abby, our oldest, slept on the other side.

A couple of minutes ago they were jumping all over the place, before I had gone up to pick some of the mess that they had left. 

It was one of those nights in which they didn’t want to sleep in their bed, and we didn’t complain about having them in ours.

We loved it, might be a little clammed but it was so ours. 

Our family of five all tangled up in a nest of blankets and limbs was the best place on earth.

I saw his small smile from where he was from. It would be hard for him to stand up without waking anyone up. It wasn’t a story time night apparently, but Spencer had learned as many lullabies as he could when Abby was born. Sometimes he would stay awake for hours singing softly to our daughter before she fell asleep in his arms. Even then he would stay there just holding her until his arms grew tired. He always liked to linger after they fell asleep. There were times in which I would technically drag him to the bed, but he would say something about wanting to be able to remember the feeling. 

I made my way to the bed slowly, taking in the image. My husband with our kids cuddling in our bed. Everything about it was so domestic and peaceful. It seemed ridiculous that I ever doubted this is how it was supposed to happen.

Spencer moved ever so slightly to make space for me. I climbed in bed slowly, picking the little girl up for a second so I could get inside the bed. Once I was in Spencer moved Stephen to the other side and put Sophie on the bed. So we were a sandwich, a Reid sandwich stuffed with kids.

He was relatively away, laying on the opposite side of the bed as his arm tried to reach me from over our kids. I took his hand, kissing the palm of it softly. In reality we were as close as it was possible.

I saw as Stephen shifted a little. Spencer’s voice was already soothing him back to sleep before the boy had any chance to wake up.

All the fears and insecurities that once haunted me seemed so far away. There was nothing but love now, love and family.

Spencer resumed the song, starting all over again as the kids shifted a little to get comfortable between us.

**Author's Note:**

> I worked on a "kids and reader bake Spencer a birthday cake" story but it isn't complete yet, so here's a draft that I hope you guys like!


End file.
